What to do when a child brings meat to your house

April 28, 2010

For this week’s parenting topic, Linda had a challenge for the Council of Vegan Parents:

“Last summer I did daycare for a 5 year old. I had explained to his mother that we were vegan and wouldn’t be serving animal products. One day, she was running late and sent him in with his fast food chicken nuggets and fries so he could finish his lunch he had been eating in the car.

“I was horrified but didn’t say anything. So here I was, picking up chicken nuggets off of the floor and explaining to my children why they weren’t something they could eat. So how would you handle it if your child’s playmate came toting their own non-veg food over to your house????”

Be clear

As Kari says, “we are always clear with people before they come over. We tell them that we do not eat animal products (and we give them the most common ones) in our house.”

This is one of those things where someone like me says “be clear” and you go “yeah yeah yeah, I’m clear,” and then something happens. Sure, it works out great for me because there’s a column in it 🙂 but it’s worth repeating again and again and again.

I don’t know the specifics of Linda’s story beyond what you see here, but “we won’t be serving animal products” is different than, say, “we don’t allow animal products in our home,” and then listing off some of the big ones like Kari does – it always amazes me how fish and chicken are mystical non-animals for a lot of people, for example.

If you’re in a mixed household with meat eating and vegan parents but vegan children, you’ve probably already given a lot of thought about what you will and will not tolerate, so while this situation might seem more difficult, it’s probably a bit easier to communicate the rules, since you’ve likely already done so inside the house – you’ll probably want to review how you say them though, since communication within the family uses its own set of shorthand.

Be The Vegan

In a lot of ways, this isn’t much different from some of the other situations we’ve talked about in the past, like dealing with non-vegan family members: if people know that you’re vegan, and what that means (both logistically and what it means to you personally) then you’re likely to avoid a lot of these problems altogether.

Being openly vegan might put you a little bit outside of your comfort zone (not everyone likes to wear their beliefs on their sleeves like that,) so it might help to think of it as acting on behalf of your child, not yourself.

Tell everyone

This is worth its own bullet: if you’re going to be The Vegan and Be Clear for the purposes of avoiding issues, you’re going to need to be The Vegan to as many people as possible. Tell the babysitters, tell your family, tell the neighbours, and anyone else you and/or your child might come in contact with. I realize it sounds like you need to go door to door for a 30 mile radius, but it’s not as big a deal as it sounds. Telling people, I mean. The 30 mile bit was a joke.

Dealing with incidents

If, despite all your precautions, something still happens and animal products breach your protective force field, it might be an emotional time for you, so it’s best to think of a few likely scenarios ahead of time and plan out how you’re going to react. Scripts can be a great help when you’re in a stressful situation, but when you’re rehearsing in your mind, be sure to remember that a lot of these situations, depending on your imagination, will probably never ever happen, especially if you’ve followed the advice above.

How big a deal is it if meat enters your house, even without your child present? Are you channeling the parenting issues into something that’s more personal than that? In a lot of these cases, it’s helpful to ask yourself “what’s the worst that could happen?” – chances are, it’s more of a minor annoyance than a Class 5 Vegan Parenting Failure.

Your child is going to be exposed to meat a whole lot of times in his or her life, just like you are, so try to keep a level head when you’re explaining things.

Help your child understand

You’re going to be explaining animal products, why you don’t eat them, and what motivates the people who do to your child at various phases in his or her growth, and we talked about some strategies in dealing with overlap and answering questions from non-vegan children, but here’s some of what Rebecca had to offer for this particular case:

“We’ve discussed at home with our older child that other people don’t realize how eating animals has bad effects on their health, our environment, and animals, that we believe animal milk is for baby animals and animals have a right to live happy lives too, and that it’s not our place to tell people about any of this, though we could answer any questions they might have about being vegan.”

A big thanks to Linda, Kari, Rebecca and Angela for their help with this one!

Related articles:

Dealing with non-vegan family members
Dealing with overlap
Answering questions from non-vegan children

{ 4 comments… read them below or add one }

Valerie April 28, 2010 at 11:22 am

This can be kind of a sticky subject. I just recently drew a “line in the sand” of sorts when I very nicely confirmed in an email to a group of friends coming over for a weekly get together that our home is a “meat-free” zone. I found that to be the least threatening to start off with. My own husband still eats cheese on occasion, so I didn’t want to be completely alienating. Over time, I will most likely work up to not allowing any animal products at all.

tomb7890 April 28, 2010 at 1:58 pm

My take, as a non-parent vegan: If we generally respond with horror to such chicken nugget scenarios, it will only strengthen the view that
many people have of vegans as strident and angry.

You do have control as a parent. You have great control over economic transactions. In my view is that is where to vigorously apply your strong vegan principles. However, you have less control over many other aspects of your children’s lives, and that will only increase with time. Don’t worry about other kid’s nuggets coming into your house. Just don’t buy them or eat them. 🙂

Jacqueline May 1, 2010 at 7:42 am

The mistake here is when the woman brought the chicken nuggets into the home and nothing was said. It should have been stopped at the door and politely turned away. The woman could have offered to make the child a quick PBJ if he hadn’t had a chance to eat yet, or they could have waited in the car until he was finished eating. Our house is a meat free zone and it will stay that way. If someone tries to bring meat into my house I won’t stand there horrified, I’ll politely tell them it’s not allowed.

Jason February 6, 2017 at 10:05 am

Is this real?

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